When people think about low self-esteem in teenagers, they often picture a shy student with low confidence. In reality, it does not always look that obvious.

Sometimes it looks like a student who shuts down the second they think they might fail. Sometimes it is the teen who constantly apologizes, compares themselves to everyone around them, or feels like they are never good enough no matter how hard they try. Other times, it can show up as anger, attention-seeking behavior, perfectionism, avoidance, or needing constant reassurance from others.

As school counselors, we see more and more students struggling with confidence, self-worth, and feeling secure in who they are. Today’s teenagers are growing up in a world where they are constantly connected, constantly comparing, and constantly feeling pressure to measure up. Social media has made it nearly impossible for many teens to simply “be kids” without feeling judged or evaluated.

Many teens tie their worth to grades, sports performance, appearance, relationships, social status, or how many people liked a post online. Even students who appear confident on the outside are often carrying a tremendous amount of self-doubt internally.

One thing I think adults sometimes forget is that teenagers are still learning who they are. Their brains, emotions, friendships, and identities are all developing at the same time. A bad grade, friendship issue, breakup, rumor, or social media post may seem small to an adult, but to a teenager it can feel overwhelming and deeply personal.

So, what can adults do to help?

One of the biggest things is creating spaces where teens feel accepted without feeling like they have to be perfect. Teens need adults who listen without immediately lecturing, fixing, or dismissing their feelings. They need to know they can struggle, make mistakes, and still have value.

It is also important to praise effort, resilience, kindness, and growth, not just achievements. When teens only hear praise tied to performance, they can start believing their worth depends on what they accomplish rather than who they are as a person.

Encouraging healthy friendships, involvement in activities they enjoy, balanced screen time, and opportunities to build confidence through real experiences can also make a huge difference. Sometimes self-esteem grows from simply helping a teen discover something they are good at or reminding them they matter outside of academics, sports, or social media.

Adults should also pay attention to warning signs that a teen may be struggling more deeply. Isolation, hopelessness, major changes in behavior, harsh self-talk, anxiety, depression, or comments about not wanting to be here anymore should always be taken seriously.

Most importantly, teens need trusted adults. A parent, family member, coach, teacher, counselor, or mentor who consistently shows up can have more impact than they realize.

Building healthy self-esteem does not mean teaching teens to think they are perfect. It means helping them understand they still have worth on the days they struggle, fail, feel insecure, or fall short. That belief becomes the foundation for resilience, healthy relationships, and emotional well-being later in life.

If you are concerned about a young person struggling with self-esteem, reach out. School counselors, mental health professionals, and community support organizations can help connect teens and families with resources and support.