PPAC Central

Monday, September 23rd, marked the 24th anniversary of Family Day: Making Every Day Special, founded in 2001 by the Center on Addiction.  Research by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University has consistently found that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink, or use other drugs.  Conversations during mealtime are a way for parents to stay connected and involved with their children.  Including youth in meal prep and clean-up instills a sense of responsibility and they are likely to feel like part of a team.  In addition to family bonding, kids who eat with their families are more likely to learn healthy eating habits, eat smaller portions, do better in school, and are less likely to stress about food.  Depending on weather, a picnic with board games would be a fun way to enjoy nature and appreciate each other’s company.

Televisions, cell phones, and other mobile devices should be turned off during dinner so each person can share the day’s events without distractions.  (The exception would be if a family member is separated by distance and phone/virtual technology is the primary means of communication.)  Trips in the vehicle can also be used as teachable, quality bonding time, as parents have a “captive” audience.  The earlier parents start connecting with their kids, the better.  If kids aren’t used to talking to their parents about what’s going on in their lives when they are eight or ten, it will be more difficult to get them talking when they are older.    

Teens are at greater risk of substance abuse as they move from middle school to high school, so, parents need to be especially attentive during this transition period.

If parents are unsure of how to start an age-appropriate conversation, they can access tips in the Parent Toolkit on the CASA Family Day website.  Other valuable information can also be found in the toolkit, such as “connecting” with kids, preventing substance use, background facts on substance use, family activities and worksheets, and tips for talking to kids about substance use.  Parents can also sign up on the website to receive a parent newsletter.  Family photos and/or videos can be shared on social media using #MyFamilySelfie. 

Be creative!  Ask family members what healthy, positive activity they would like to try as a family unit.  Even though the 23^rd has passed, pick a date in the near future and stick to it!

Celebrate with parents nationwide and pledge to commit to:

• Spend time with your kids by playing games, taking a walk, or enjoying another family activity.

• Talk to them about their friends, interests, and the dangers of using substances. 

• Answer their questions and listen to what they say.

• Recognize that parents have the power to keep their kids substance-free! A warm, supportive relationship between parents and their children is linked to better judgement, increased self-control, and resilience, which are strengths that help reduce the risk of future drug use.

Remember, parental engagement does make a difference, and prevention works!

This September marks the 35th National Recovery Month, an observance held every September since 1989 to promote and support new evidence-based treatment and recovery practices, the emergence of a strong and proud recovery community, and the dedication of service providers and community members across the nation who make recovery in all its forms possible. This year’s theme of celebration is “The Art of Recovery.”    

In May of this year, the Office of Recovery launched the “Gallery of Hope: Artistic Expressions of Recovery Across the Nation.” This digital platform features over 280 selected artworks and is open for viewing until September 30.  Through inviting visual art submissions from people with lived experience and their families, creative expression as a means of connection, healing, and empowerment is meant to break down societal stigmas and foster greater understanding and support.  Categories for viewing pleasure include photography, painting(abstract, landscape and plants, people and animals, and word), or mixed media, and can be found at 2024 Gallery of Hope.

As part of Recovery Month, #AddictionProfessionalsDay is celebrated on September 20, marking the 32nd Anniversary since National Addiction Professionals Day was established by NAADAC (National Association for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors) in 1992 to commemorate the dedicated work that these vital players of the health system and continuum of care do on a daily basis. Visit NAADAC for more information.

According to information published by SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), peer support workers are those who have been successful in the recovery process and are able to help others who are experiencing similar situations.  Through shared understanding, respect, and mutual empowerment, peer support workers help people become and stay engaged in the recovery process and reduce the likelihood of relapse.  Peer support services can effectively extend the reach of treatment beyond the clinical setting into the daily environment of those seeking a successful, sustained recovery process. 

Peer support workers engage in a wide range of activities that include advocating for people in recovery; sharing resources and building skills; building community and relationships; leading recovery groups; and mentoring and setting goals.  Peer support roles may also extend to providing services and/or training; supervising other peer workers; developing resources; administering programs or agencies; and educating the public and policymakers.

Peer support workers may need to develop additional core competencies to provide services to specific groups who also share common experiences, such as family members.  The shared experience of being in recovery from a mental health and/or substance use condition or being a family member is the foundation on which the peer recovery support relationship is built.

Previously, Recovery Month was sponsored by SAMHSA.  In 2020, the federal government “turned the reins over” to the recovery community to sponsor and manage this yearly observance.  Although SAMHSA remains an active Recovery Month Planning Partner and supporter, Faces & Voices of Recovery, a long-standing Recovery Month Planning Partner, now hosts the Recovery Month website, managing the social media outreach, developing and disseminating promotional materials, and is the central location for all Recovery Month events.  More information can be found at Faces & Voices of Recovery.

Local counseling is available at the Allegany Council on Alcoholism and Substance Abuse, Inc., at 585-593-6738.  Seven in ten adults who have had a mental health or substance use condition are in recovery.  Let’s support those in need of services and remember that recovery is real and possible!

Resources

Recovery Month Toolkit

National Recovery Month Events

Free Webinars

September 16, 1pm-2pm EST: Nothing About Us Without Us: Families Supporting Recovery

September 17, 1pm-2pm EST: Recovery on Purpose

September 19, 1pm-2pm EST: The Interface of Peer Support and Person-Centered Planning

Remember Prevention Works!

The Healthy Families New York home visiting Program matches parents with
knowledgeable and caring workers who provide information and support during
pregnancy and early childhood. Services include helping families access community
resources and services, educating families on parenting and child development,
connecting families with medical providers and assessing children for developmental
delays. For more information call 716-372-5987 or email hfac14760@yahoo.com.
One of the services the program provides is having a Certified Lactation Consultant on staff to
assist with breastfeeding questions and concerns as well as to guide on techniques for
breastfeeding.

Research has shown that breastfeeding can have many benefits for both babies and mothers.

Nutrition: Breast milk provides all the nutrients a baby needs in the right proportions.

Protection: Breastfeeding contains antibodies that help babies have a stronger immune
system and can help decrease respiratory infections, and the frequency of colds. It has also
been shown to reduce the likelihood of diarrhea and constipation issues as well as vomiting, ear
infections, and colic. This has also contributed to less use of health care services with fewer
hospitalizations.

Cognitive development: Children who have consumed 100% breast milk have higher IQ’s,
there is a 9-point advantage over those who consumed no breastmilk at all.

Health benefits for mothers: Women who breastfeed typically return to their pre-pregnancy
weight more quickly than women who formula feed. Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of breast
and ovarian cancer. Breastfeeding produces oxytocin, which helps the uterus contract after
birth and reduces vaginal bleeding.

Follow Healthy Families Allegany/Cattaraugus on Facebook for more information.

According to the March of Dimes, most substances pass through the breast milk to the baby, including alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, and illicit drugs, such as heroin and cocaine.  Alcohol includes beer, wine, wine coolers, and liquor. Nicotine may make a baby fussy, make it harder for the baby to sleep, and reduce milk supply so that the baby may not get all the milk he or she needs. Since marijuana has been made legal in states across the United States, people have the misconception that it is safe to use. If a woman uses marijuana, THC and other chemicals may increase the risk for problems with brain development and may affect the amount and quality of the breast milk.  New York’s Office of Cannabis Management states that, “We do know that smoking can be harmful to both you and your baby. It is recommended to stop smoking products of any kind during pregnancy, while breast/chest feeding, or when around children of any age.” Concerning prescription medicines, some are not safe to take while breast feeding, making it essential for a mother who is breast feeding to consult her health care provider.  Most OTC (Over-The-Counter) medicines are safe to use during breast feeding, but even these should be discussed with the doctor’s office.  Healthy Moms. Strong Babies.

CDC’s Cannabis and Pregnancy

Remember Prevention Works!

Why is a group with Tobacco-Free in its name so passionate and determined to promote plastic-free living for the month of July? Because tobacco product waste, especially the tiny but troublesome discarded cigarette butts, is a form of plastic waste.

“According to the World Health Organization (WHO) 4.5 trillion cigarette butts are littered every year, making them the most littered item on the planet,” says Jonathan Chaffee, Youth Coordinator for Tobacco-Free Chautauqua, Cattaraugus and Allegany counties (TF-CCA). “That’s a problem because cigarette butt filters are made of a nonbiodegradable plastic called cellulose acetate.”

When tossed into the environment, cigarette butts dump not only plastic, but also nicotine, arsenic, formaldehyde, lead and cadmium that leaches into our soil, waterway systems and surrounding environment, affecting all kinds of living things from plants and flowers to wildlife and marine life.

Beyond cigarette butts

Chaffee notes that cigarette butts are just one form of tobacco product waste that is plastic litter. Electronic cigarettes, also known as e-cigarettes or vapes, are also toxic to the environment because they contain an lithium battery and the e-juice, both of which are considered hazardous waste. Add plastic cigar tips, tobacco product wrappers and smokeless tobacco product containers and the local, state and global pollution problem continues.

What can you do in your community

1. Host a cigarette butt cleanup? Cleanups can help build awareness about the extent of the tobacco product pollution and why it’s important to stop. Be sure to wear gloves and pick up discarded vapes, cigar tips and plastic packaging as well.
2. Establish a smoke and vape free policy for community events and activities.
3. Help people quit. Eliminating tobacco product waste for good also means helping smokers and vapers quit.

The New York State Smokers’ Quitline is a confidential service for all New York State residents who wish to overcome dependence on commercial tobacco products, including e-cigarettes. Free offerings include individualized coaching and assistance with quit-planning from highly trained tobacco treatment specialists, text and online chat support and free shipping of stop-smoking medications such as nicotine patches, nicotine lozenges or nicotine gum for those 18 and older.

Residents of all ages may contact the Quitline for support and educational materials. In addition, the Quitline encourages teens and young adults (ages 13-24) to text “DROPTHEVAPE” to 88709 to join “This Is Quitting,” a free texting support program for help with quitting vaping. For more information, text QUITNOW to 333888 or call 1-866-NY-QUITS (1-866-697-8487) seven days a week, beginning at 9 a.m.

Reality Check is a teen-led, adult-run program that seeks to prevent and decrease tobacco use among young people throughout New York State. 

For more information about Reality Check, visit realitycheckofny.org.

Reality Check New York empowers youth to become leaders in their community in exposing what they see as the manipulative and deceptive marketing tactics of the tobacco industry. The organization’s members produce change in their communities through grassroots mobilization and education. Reality Check in this area is affiliated with Tobacco-Free Chautauqua, Cattaraugus and Allegany (TF-CCA), a program of Roswell Park Comprehensive Cancer Center.

The NYS Tobacco Control Program is made up of a network of statewide contractors who work on Advancing Tobacco-Free Communities, which includes Community Engagement and Reality Check, the Health Systems for a Tobacco-Free New York, the NYS Smokers’ Quitline and Surveillance and Research. Their efforts are leading the way toward a tobacco-free society. For more information, visit TobaccoFreeNYS.org, YOUR OWN WEBSITE and NYSmokeFree.com.

Jayden Marshall of Fillmore Central School joined more than fifty youth and advocates from 9 national organizations to rally at Altria Group, Inc.’s 2024 Annual Meeting of Shareholders. These young people and adults held a demonstration outside Altria’s Lobbyist Office, Washington, D.C. office, while several youth activists were designees to directly address Altria’s CEO Billy Gifford and ask questions during the virtual shareholders’ meeting. Altria’s messaging and the movement of youth to using vaping and nicotine pouches, helped create the theme of this year’s Mobilize Against Tobacco Lies event which was “Same Snake, Different Skin” referencing that the tobacco industry might be promoting alternative products to traditional cigarettes, but all these products contain nicotine, many higher than cigarettes and come in appealing flavors to youth.

This year marks the ninth consecutive year that Mobilize Against Tobacco Lies (MATL), a collaborative of youth programs and national partners, gathered to expose and fight back against the tobacco giant’s lies.

Reality Check youth from across New York State rallied with a collaborative of tobacco control youth programs including Dover Youth to Youth of New Hampshire, Traditional Tobacco Voices in Minnesota, and national partners; Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids, American Indian Cancer Foundation, Corporate Accountability, Counter Tools, Center for Black Health and Equity, and the Truth Initiative.

Altria and its Philip Morris USA subsidiary sell the number one most popular cigarette brand among kids, Marlboro, and its John Middleton subsidiary sells one of the most popular cigar brands among kids, Black and Mild, US Smokeless Tobacco subsidiary sells the top two smokeless tobacco brands Copenhagen and Skoal. Altria has a long history of targeting vulnerable populations with its products and invested in Juul at the height of the youth e-cigarette epidemic. Altria in 2023 sold its percentage of ownership in JUUL as it’s popularity has fallen and has failed to get Food and Drug Administration approval and purchased NJOY Holdings, Inc. Altria claims to be “moving beyond smoking,” but the truth is that they make most of their revenue from cigarettes and fight real efforts to reduce smoking – such as bans on menthol cigarettes. Altria and the other big tobacco companies quote youth smoking rates are at all-time lows, but youth consumption of nicotine has not declined as they have moved to as Altria claims “potentially less harmful products”, such as vaping and nicotine pouches.

Despite Altria and the tobacco industry’s efforts, the United States has made great progress to reduce youth smoking. However, the latest government survey shows that 2.8 million U.S middle and high school students still use tobacco products, including 2.13 million who use e-cigarettes.

Reality Check is a teen-led, adult-run program that seeks to prevent and decrease tobacco use among young people throughout New York State. 

For more information about Reality Check, visit realitycheckofny.org.

Reality Check New York empowers youth to become leaders in their community in exposing what they see as the manipulative and deceptive marketing tactics of the tobacco industry. The organization’s members produce change in their communities through grassroots mobilization and education. Reality Check in this area is affiliated with Tobacco-Free Chautauqua, Cattaraugus and Allegany (TF-CCA), a program of Roswell Park Comprehensive Cancer Center.

The NYS Tobacco Control Program is made up of a network of statewide contractors who work on Advancing Tobacco-Free Communities, which includes Community Engagement and Reality Check, the Health Systems for a Tobacco-Free New York, the NYS Smokers’ Quitline and Surveillance and Research. Their efforts are leading the way toward a tobacco-free society. For more information, visit TobaccoFreeNYS.org.

May is National Teen Self Esteem Month, a campaign aimed at creating awareness of our teenagers’ confidence and well being. Teenagers are growing up in probably the most difficult period in living memory. Self-harm, mental health problems and eating disorders are rife, and social media is a problem-riddled jungle.

Why is self esteem such a problem for teens?

On top of the physical, hormonal and mental changes going on for teens, they must also contend with increased educational expectations and navigate changing social dynamics. Social media and the web portray unrealistic standards for teens to aspire to. Body image problems are widespread amongst youth, and many feel under great pressure. Teenagers are often fragile and seemingly small bumps to their self esteem can often cause great damage.

Some helpful things to do:

Be kind to yourself.

• Get to know yourself. What makes you happy and what do you value in life?
• Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. …
• Say positive things to yourself. …
• Give yourself a pep talk
• Avoid comparing yourself to others. …
• Do something nice for yourself

Establish and maintain boundaries.

• Practice saying “no”
• Reflect on the reasons for your boundaries. …
• Start with a few boundaries. …
• Consider setting boundaries early on. …
• Try to be consistent with your boundaries. …
• Carve out time for yourself. …
• Don’t be afraid to include extra boundaries. …
• Set healthy boundaries on social media.

Practice relaxation strategies.

• Take a bath
• Make some art work or take an art class
• Deep breathing
• Massage
• Meditation
• Tai chi
• Yoga
• Music and art therapy
• Aromatherapy

Get regular physical activity.

• Exercise at the YMCA
• Join a summer sport
• Brisk walking or jogging
• Dancing
• Swimming
• Biking.

Resources

Genesee Valley Greenway

Just Tell One’s Teen Chat Line

One Caring Adult

Outdoor Activities around Wellsville

Palmer Opera House has Yoga on Wednesdays.

Wellsville YMCA

Western New York Wilds

This past Saturday, April 27 the Allegany Council on Alcoholism and Substance Abuse, Inc. (ACASA), the Allegany County Sheriff’s Office, Andover and Wellsville Volunteer Fire Departments, and Partners for Prevention in Allegany County (PPAC) held their biannual pill drop event in conjunction with the Drug Enforcement Administration’s (DEA) National Take Back Day. Community members brought over 73 pounds of unwanted or unused medications and needles they wanted to dispose of properly. The agencies use the pill drops to educate the community on the fourteen Take It to the Box locations that are throughout Allegany County, that can be used to dispose of medications year-round for free. The partners also educated about the availability to dispose of needles at any of the Allegany County transfer stations for free. Community members are asked to put needles into a puncture proof container like a laundry detergent bottle with the cap securely on. Allegany County is one of the very few counties in New York that offers this service for free.

Andover and Wellsville were chosen to be the Spring pill drop locations to help educate about the Take It to the Box location at Jones Memorial Medical Practice, 20 Main Street in Andover and the three locations in Wellsville at Fisher’s Pharmacy, 138 North Main Street, Jones Memorial Hospital, 191 North Main Street, and the Wellsville Police Department, 46 South Main Street. “The purpose of holding the pill drops is to offer community members the opportunity to dispose of their medications safely, but also educate them about other resources available to them,” states PPAC Coalition Coordinator Jon Chaffee. “It is important for people to not hold onto medications that they are no longer using as studies have shown that youth and adults who abuse medications usually get them from friends or family members without their knowledge,” states Chaffee.

This year 20 cars came to the two locations to drop off medications and needles. Even though the pill drop events do not collect as much medication as in the past the Take It to the Box locations collected over 1,600 pounds in 2023. Each person who dropped medications off received a reusable grocery bag and Take It to the Box magnet. All medications that are collected are taken to an incinerating location by the Sheriff’s Office to make the medications harmless to the environment and useless to people.

The next pill drop event will be held in October of 2024. To find out where all the Take It to the Box locations are located throughout Allegany County visit www.ppaccentral.org/takeittothebox/. If you want to know more information about the National Take Back Day or find other locations you can visit https://www.dea.gov/takebackday. For questions people can also reach out to Coalition Coordinator Jonathan Chaffee by emailing ppac@alleganycouncil.org or calling (585) 593 – 1920.

Remember Prevention Works!

This April marks the 38^th Annual Alcohol Awareness Month, sponsored by the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) since 1987.  Alcohol-Free Weekend has traditionally been observed the first weekend in April, which is April 5-7.  This is a time when parents and other adults are asked to abstain from drinking alcoholic beverages for 72 hours to show our youth that alcohol isn’t necessary to have a good time.  If participants discover they cannot go without a drink during this period, they are urged to call the Allegany Council’s outpatient clinic at 585-593-6738 for signs and symptoms of a possible alcohol use disorder. (Anyone unaware of Alcohol-Free Weekend is encouraged to designate the following weekend and apply the above suggestion.)

No other substance is more widely used and abused by America’s youth than alcohol, making alcoholism and alcohol-related problems the number one public health problem in the United States.

Many youth drink because of social pressure to “fit in” with their peers, while others may drink alone because they are bored or depressed.  This puts them at greater risk for developing alcohol-related problems.  Drinking is also associated with the leading causes of death among young people, including car crashes, murder, and suicide.  Even though teenagers know that people should not drink and drive, almost a third of teens will accept rides from someone who has been drinking.

According to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), those who regularly engage in underage drinking are at a higher risk of using other drugs, engaging in risky behavior, doing poorly in school, and having serious health issues, such as depression and anxiety.

Research has shown that one of the biggest protective factors in reducing the likelihood that a child will develop a substance abuse problem is strong parental disapproval of alcohol and other drug use.  Fostering healthy and responsible attitudes, talking openly and honestly, encouraging supportive relationships, and showing children that their opinions and decisions matter, are all ways to help prevent the use of alcohol and other drugs.

Since 2012, Allegany Council on Alcoholism and Substance Abuse, Inc., has partnered with local businesses for “Sticker Shock,” a campaign in which red and white stickers in the shape of a stop sign are placed on multipacks of beer and other alcoholic beverages.  The message on the stickers states that “It is illegal for any person 21 or older to purchase or provide alcohol to minors.  Fines are up to $1,000.00 or 1 year in jail.”  Thanks to Cuba Giant and Cuba Police Department for supporting this campaign during Alcohol Awareness Month for the past several years.

According to a New York State survey, over half the students in grades 7-12 reported that their parents had never talked to them about the dangers of underage drinking.  According to the 2023 Risk and Protective Factor Survey, administered to 6^th, 8^th, 10^th, and 12^th graders in Allegany County, 85% of students do NOT use alcohol!  Let’s continue to help keep kids safe from alcohol and other substances by starting the conversation.  For tips on how to do this, visit Talk2Prevent.NY.gov and talkitover.org.  For additional information and resources, visit PPAC Central. 

Let this be your call to action, and remember, PREVENTION WORKS!

In honor of Gambling Disorder Screening Day (March 12th, 2024) and Problem Gambling Awareness Month, the New York Council on Problem Gambling (NYCPG) is announcing the availability of a free, confidential, online self-screening tool for individuals who want to explore their risk for problem gambling. The tool guides individuals through a set of questions to help them examine their gambling behaviors and the possible consequences of their gambling activity. Individuals who complete the questionnaire receive individualized feedback and resources based on their answers and experiences.  

While it’s true that most individuals who gamble do so solely for entertainment and do not experience problems caused by their gambling, all gambling inherently involves risk. This risk is not only present in the activity of gambling, but also in the risk of causing negative consequences to their lives and the lives of those around them. For these individuals and families, gambling can have devastating effects on their lives. Effects can range from depression and anxiety or financial issues all the way to damaged family relationships and even loss of employment. 

Just as there are varying levels of gambling activity and negative consequences, there are also varying levels of motivation and awareness about our gambling activity and the risk involved. While some people are ready to reach out directly for assistance, support and resources, others may be just starting to think about how their gambling is affecting their life. Others may only be curious about their (or a loved one’s) gambling activity and the possible risk that they have.   

In an effort to reach all individuals in New York State, those who are ready for assistance and those who are simply curious about how their gambling may put them at risk for future problems, NYCPG and the Western PGRC have a variety of resources available. As mentioned, the newest of these resources is the confidential, online self-screening tool. No personal information is needed to utilize this valuable, user friendly resource. This free tool is available at NYProblemGamblingHELP.org/e-Screener/. 

For more information about National Gambling Disorder Screening Day in NYS, Problem Gambling Awareness Month or free tools to use in your community visit: NYProblemGambling.org/PGAM/.  

The New York Council on Problem Gambling (NYCPG) is a not-for-profit independent corporation dedicated to increasing public awareness about problem and compulsive gambling and advocating for support services and treatment for persons adversely affected by problem gambling. NYProblemGambling.org. 

If you need support related to gambling, please visit: NYProblemGamblingHelp.org to connect with resources in your community.  

Jeffrey Wierzbicki – jwierzbicki@nycpg.org (Confidential) or call 716-833-4274 (Confidential) 

The week of February 12^th marks the Children of Addiction Awareness week, recognized in the USA, Finland, Germany, India, Ireland, Korea, Slovenia, Switzerland, and Great Britain. This campaign, led by The National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA), is intended to break the silence around children affected by parental addiction and offer them a chance to become children of promise.  According to information from NACoA’s Website, one in four children lives in a family impacted by parental addiction, and these children are the most vulnerable population to develop addiction at some point in their lives. 

“One of the Lucky Ones” by Heather Gill

When I heard the phrase “Children of Addiction” I knew it was time to open up and share a little bit about my story, as a child of addiction. The timing seemed perfect, I happen to be turning 33 next week, and that is a huge milestone for me. I have officially lived longer than my Daddy. I am heading into my 21^st year without him, and I have finally reached a point where my memories of him are no longer accompanied by sadness.

I didn’t lose my Daddy to addiction, instead I had to compete with his addiction while I had him. Our relationship was complex and incredibly simple at the same time. I loved my Daddy with my whole heart and I rarely questioned forgiving him. He could leave and come back as he pleased as far as I was concerned as long as I got to see him eventually.  My grandparents filled the role he was supposed to be playing for me and my little brother, and they loved both of our mother’s. Everyone around me made it possible for me to love my Dad with my whole heart, while surviving without him.

Somewhere around eight years old, he started to become more consistent, and even started to take some positive steps forward. But the truth is, he ran out of time to get it right. In the spring of 2003, at 32 years old, with a 12-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son, he was diagnosed with cancer. We had one last Father’s Day with Hospice, and he passed away the next morning. 

The weekend my parents had planned to tell me that he had cancer, was the first time in my entire life that I was truly angry with my Dad. I was 12 years old, navigating being a preteen, friendships, school and sports. There was an all-night skate that weekend, and I could not understand why I was being forced to go see my Dad, when he got to pick and choose when he was a Dad. When we got to his house, and sat down at a plastic picnic table outside, they laid it out for me – Dad has cancer. This translated to “Daddy is leaving again, and this time he won’t be coming back.”  I spent the entire month I had left with him fighting a silent rage, that I spent years hating myself for.

His death was of course a trauma in itself, but his life left me with questions about him and myself that no one could answer for me. His inability to put fatherhood above his need to be intoxicated destroyed myself worth. By 13 I had tried my first cigarette and had self-harmed more than once, both becoming habits I struggled with well into adulthood. I started to look for him in any and all male relationships in my life. I sought out those who were struggling with trauma or substance use, and I tried desperately to save them. This need to save others from his fate, put me in toxic and abusive situations, and further eroded what little self-love I had managed to hold onto. I was angry, self-destructive, and unbelievably heartbroken for 20 years. I couldn’t heal, even with years of therapy, and hard work, I could not come to terms with the life his addiction set me and my brother up for.

When he was alive, and able to be in my life, we bonded over music. Garth Brooks and Guns’n’Roses played in the background of nearly every moment together. While we spent Friday nights signing on a barbie karaoke machine. I am beyond grateful for his choice in music, and as I listen to it today, I think he knew eventually his life choices would kill him. As I grew up and found myself to truly be my Father’s Daughter, all I had was lyrics to help me understand him, and myself. He played “If Tomorrow Never Comes” until it was burned into my brain. The last time I got to lay in the recliner with my Daddy, he quietly sang “Don’t Cry” by Guns’n’Roses. I think he truly believed that I would be okay without him.

The truth is, I am okay now. The rest of my family stepped in to do his job, and support me the best they could. My Mother, a no-nonsense woman with high standards, was the barrier between experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and becoming consumed by them. I had guardrails in place that allowed me to rebuild my life as I healed. I’m not sure if he realized how blessed he was to have people in our lives that we did. People that were willing to take on his responsibilities, while attempting to heal wounds they didn’t create. I survived in spite of him. I survived when so many others did not.

I finally felt healed last year. I had to work incredibly hard to unlearn the negative self-beliefs and habits. It took years of therapy, medical help, and one incredibly patient husband to get here. I covered my scars with memorial tattoos, and I started to tell my story. I eventually was able to recognize the Neurodivergent traits in myself, my father and my brother, allowing me to see the potential outcomes for my own children before they had a chance to manifest as addiction. I am breaking cycles, I am healing generational trauma. It is still a struggle everyday though; despair and self-hate lurk around every corner waiting for me to slip and let them back in. I will carry the echoes of his addiction with me for the rest of my life.

As I healed, I learned that it is okay to hold onto my desire to help others live a better life. I have learned how to give support without compromising myself or my safety. I volunteer my time Coaching Youth Cheerleading, and sitting at tables where my story can create change for future generations. I became a Peer Support provider for parents who have children that struggle with mental health. I turned the pain and the trauma into a fuel for a life of service that I can be proud of, but I never allow myself to forget the cost of getting here. My success came in spite of unnecessary hardship, not because of it. My Strength came from connection to people who loved me with their actions as much as their words, not from love I was missing. My Father’s life and Death did not make me who I am today, I made myself who I am in spite of it all.

Recovery is unbelievably hard, but it is possible, and more than that it is worth it. For every story like mine, that ends in success, there is someone else who never made it through. The only way you can ensure that your addiction does not plague your children’s lives is to choose to get healthy and be accountable. If you would die for your children, choose to live for them too.

Neighbors need to know that children nearby may live in hidden chaos caused by parental drinking and other drug use, and that one truly caring adult may be able to help them separate the disease of addiction from the parent they love. COAs often learn special rules and roles, which include attempting to protect the family image, keeping feelings to themselves, not trusting others, assuming parental responsibilities, excelling at school, trying to make others feel better, adapting to situations in a detached fashion, or using negative behavior to attract attention.  In general, COAs have higher rates of stress-related illnesses and conditions, including ulcers, depression, fatigue, headaches, insomnia, tension, anxiety, and eating disorders.  The positive news is that help is available, and COAs can be helped even when their parent continues to drink or use other substances.  Treatment court judges can initiate change within the family unit by addressing the needs of the children.  Understanding who a “safe person” is and which adults can be trusted is crucial, including within the school setting.  As the impact of the pandemic has increased the impact of alcohol and opioid use in this country over the last few years, it is even more important that the non-using parent and other sincere adults seek assistance and support when discussing a parent’s addiction with a child.     

The Seven C’s

Can also help children cope with their circumstances by reminding them that:

• They didn’t CAUSE the addiction.
• They can’t CONTROL it.
• They can’t CURE it.

However, they can:

• Take care of themselves by COMMUNICATING their feelings.
• Make good CHOICES.
• CELEBRATING who they are.

For more information and resources visit NACoA and COA Awareness Week. You can make a positive difference in a child’s life! If you are struggling with substance use and want to find out about local resources for help visit ACASA.

Special “Thanks” to Heather Gill for sharing her story.